To the one who calls me oven.
Hello you, this is strange, being here without you next door, waking up and having breakfast with you, well me having breakfast and you sitting next to me because you know I don't like being the only one eating. No longer having those shitty sandwiches that were cold and dry but because they were cheaper then fresh food we had no choice but to eat them. How could I ever forget the lovely cook chill and you never having the Sunday lunch because it stunk. What I loved about meal times with you is I knew you wasn't judging me I felt comfortable to be able to eat whenever I was around you. I miss that feeling. correct me if I'm wrong, I think you miss that feeling to. I miss how we could talk with are faces and laugh about things people will never understand. Hang on! while I'm writing this faith someone is sucking a sweet very loudly can this person please move away. Okay let me continue, I miss hearing you say things like "I'm giving myself to you bob" and "whip it out bob" (I changed the name just in case, I think you know who I mean though) I miss you asking me if I have any chocolate in my room and if you could have some. I miss you buying me chocolate that was the best bit about living next door to you free chocolate. I miss you always saying "i have clammy hands soz" I miss the moments when you would sit in my room and you would do your thing and I'd do my thing (most of the time you would be helping me spell) and the builders had the radio on and we would chill out thanking the builders thinking they could hear us or when I'd put the radio on through that shitty brick phone and ed comes on and we just sit next to each other quietly. Do you remember that time we was having a deep chat and the song 'i love my life comes on' while we are having this deep chat but still talking because we both hate life. I miss how you would always want to make sure I'm okay and never wanting to leave my room in case i did something. I miss being able to support you like that to. Me sitting on your floor with you and you sitting on my floor with me thinking about it now why didn't we sit on the bed? what was all that about. It makes me sad that i won't be there for your 18th birthday like you was there for me. I really do want this girl to stop sucking on that sweet its her 6th one now she is ruining my thinking process I'm not impressed Faith. I want to scream at her "DO YOU WANT TO SUCK ANY LOUDER!" but I'm trying to grow as a person so i won't. SHE'S GONE! THANK THE FUCKING LORD! right where was i. I miss that you would let me touch your food but no one else could. I miss you sitting with me at the table even though you wanted to sit on the couch. I miss you showing me musicals on the ipad and new songs that i now enjoy. You did all of that and much more because you are the mostly caring human being i have met in life. I'm so grateful you are now part of my world. I know your brain gets to much and i understand why you feel the way you do BUT you will get through this even though your brain tells you other wise. Things are very hard at the moment but you have a great team around you who want to help and a team that does truly care. So all i ask in the next few weeks please use them. Believe in yourself faith as much as i believe in you. I know this blog doesn't say everything you have done for me but the other stuff is for later on. You've got this and even when you feel like you've lost it if you look hard enough your find it again.